Throughout life, we all experience pain and losing a loved one is one of the most difficult parts of living. This experience usually allows you a time of intimate reflection in all parts of your life, including professionally. This recent experience in my life has given me time to hit the pause button to truly understand what has worked and what hasn’t gone according to plan. This process is not for the faint of heart because you must be completely honest with yourself. No bullshit, no lying that everything is “ok” after you have lost your job. You must be totally open to seeing your life through new eyes. In the end, this honesty can be your greatest strength if you can learn from your mistakes. Here is what I have learned. PLAYING TO WIN MEANS YOU MUST PLAY THE LONG GAME Life is not a sprint, but a marathon. I know when I say that, you are probably shaking your head and thinking, “Yeah, I know that already”. The question is – are you truly living your life that way? If I asked you right now, how do you think about your goals? What would be your answer? Do you think about them for the next week or month? Or do you think about them for the next six months to a year or longer? There is not a right or wrong answer, however I would encourage you to begin thinking about your goals in a timeline that’s longer than one year. This is because it takes time for you to achieve the aspirations you have made for your life. If you don’t give yourself enough time to do what you want to do, you may not get what you desire which will leave you deflated and unhappy. If you become unhappy, there is a good chance you could abandon your goals and give up on your dreams. In the end, you want to position yourself for success and the best way to do that is to give yourself as much time as you need to make your goals a reality. DON’T SHORTCHANGE YOURSELF When going after any goal, or anything that you desire for that matter, it is of the utmost importance that you believe in yourself. If you don’t believe that you have the right stuff to make your dreams a true reality, you might as well stop right now, because you won’t get where you want to be. The key to having whatever you want, is to believe in yourself and have the confidence to know that you can do what you set out to do. You must have unshakeable confidence. People and the world will tell you no. You will hear that you may not be good enough, smart enough, don’t have enough money, don’t have the right connections, and don’t live in the right location and on and on. Throughout your career, you may hear this a lot. You will definitely hear it if you are a trail blazer and are doing something no one has done before. You need to be able to deflect this negativity and continue on your journey. Remaining confident is one of the biggest assets you will have and you need to believe internally that you are the shit! Yup, I said it and it’s true. You need to be the absolute best person for this new reality that you are chasing. If you don’t carry that kind of internal confidence, you will quit before you are successful. Be confident in who you are. There is only one you and you are spectacular! STOP PROCRASTINATING Do you over analyze every move you make before you make it, to the point where you don’t make any move at all? Because you are still thinking about the action you want to take? Procrastination is the art of being “wishy washy”, which means that you can’t make up your mind. Most of us were brought up thinking that you should always “think before you leap” which is true. You should always look at all potential outcomes of any action you are going to take, before you take the action. If you think about it too long, the opportunity may pass you by. If you think about it too long, you may not make any decision at all (because you are still processing what COULD happen), and in the end that means you have not taken any action. You are still in the same place and you have not moved forward. People who procrastinate take much longer to get where they want to go, because the only way you can get REAL data is by taking action. If you have been thinking about taking one action for longer than a few days, a week tops, you are procrastinating. Take action, get out of your head and stop procrastinating. This leads me to my last point. TAKE ACTION If you procrastinate, you are not taking action, which means you are not moving towards your goals. You can change all that very quickly by taking action. Starting today, make a promise to yourself to take one action every day towards your goals. This doesn’t have to be a big or fancy move, it can be low key but you must take one action. When you take action every day, you will propel yourself forwards and begin to see momentum. You will also start to get real feedback on what is working and what isn’t. Getting this kind of feedback is invaluable for you, so that you know what to do more of and what to stop doing. Previously, if you were thinking instead of doing, you would have no idea what would work and move you forwards or what wouldn’t work and push you farther away from your goal. By taking consistent daily action, you can self-correct quickly and leave the rest. Imagine how much closer to your goal you would be after one month of consistent action. You would have effectively taken 20 action steps towards your goal in a very short amount of time vs thinking about what will or what won’t work and being in the exact same place 30 days later. RECAP You can incorporate all of the above into your daily life. Remember to play the long game, you are in it for the long haul and if you have big dreams, giving yourself ample time will allow you to grow seamlessly into your next level, instead of rushing and being unprepared for what will come your way. Don’t shortchange yourself and believe in your very bones that you can do what others can’t, because you can. You are special and unique in all the world, all you have to do is believe it. Stop procrastinating and thinking about what you want out of life. Take consistent daily action and you will have all the information you need to get where you want to go. These changes will yield huge results for you and before you know it, you will be in the driver’s seat instead of a passenger in your life. You can thank me later.
5 Comments
Truth bomb! – If you’re not happy with your life, if you are anxious or depressed you’re not listening to your heart, you’re listening to your brain and your ego. We are all taught when we’re young to have goals and that achieving those goals will bring us something that our ego wants – the amazing feeling of accomplishment. The pride that you, yes YOU, did it! You went out and did something that others could not and accomplished your goal. Some of these goals as well as their rewards, can come in the form of expensive items we get brainwashed into believing that once we purchase them, we are better than those who don’t have them. This information comes from a variety of different avenues including TV, magazines, social media and our peers. For women, it may be a $2,500 Louis Vuitton bag that is the “IT” bag, and we equate owning it with having more wealth. For others, it can be a brand new BMW or other expensive cars that not just “anyone” can own due to the high cost of the car. A car now turns into a status symbol of excellence elevating you above others. The more important questions are: Do these things make you happy? And What will it take out of you to obtain that status symbol? I.e. how many hours will you need to work and be away from your family to make this a reality? Most people define success as having X amount of money in the bank, driving a nice car and having the things they want in their lives. There is, however, always a trade-off when purchasing those luxury items. You will be working more hours at your job. You may be travelling to visit clients which will take time away from your family. Everything that you desire has a trade off in terms of money, time and effort that needs to be put in to purchase that amazing “it” item you’ve always dreamt of. Disclaimer: It’s ok to want nice things and please don’t beat yourself up for wanting to better yourself or drive a nice car. Everyone loves a new car and the prestige that comes with it. The problem becomes clear when you become a SLAVE to what you desire and are willing to put your family and morals second, and almost kill yourself to have that shiny new object. The question then becomes: How can we be happy with what we have now? Below are 5 ways to be happy now. BE GRATEFUL – I touched on this in a recent post and being grateful for what you have right now is CRUCIAL to your happiness in the now as well as your future success. Here’s why – when you are grateful, you raise your vibration which allows the Universe to bring you more of the good stuff. The Universe always matches your vibration. If your vibration is low and you are thinking about how much you DON’T have, the Universe matches that vibe and brings you more of what you don’t want or need. If you have a home or condo that suits your needs and is a place for the family to grow, be grateful. If you have a car that gets you to work and is dependable, be grateful. The more you can recognize what you DO have instead of concentrating on what you don’t have, the better off you are. BEING HEALTHY COUNTS – Many posts discuss the purchases you can make to keep your ego satisfied. People are starting to realize that true happiness encompasses both your spirituality and your health even more than material things. Being healthy is something so many of us take for granted but remember, if there is someone around you who is not healthy, it’s a really big deal. Being healthy means that you or a loved one can still use their body and it will do all that you ask it too. Walking, driving, talking and even working out means that the body is in good shape and that is a true gift. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, be grateful for you and your family’s health. YOUR GIFTS – What special gifts do you possess that make you unique? Do you talk with and understand what animals say? Are you awesome at working with finances and numbers are your jam? A gift is described as “a natural ability or talent” which means something that you can do extremely well without training. Most of the time, you were born with this talent and you have access to it anytime you wish. Are you thankful for that gift? Are you using that gift? If you answered no to either or both of those questions, try to picture someone who doesn’t have your particular gift. For example, if you can draw easily and produce exquisite art, think about someone who can only draw stick figures. When you think about it in that context, it shows you how much of an advantage you have. No matter what your gift is, be thankful for it and find a way to start using your spectacular gifts to help others. HAVE AN ABUNDANT MINDSET – Many of us were brought up believing there is never enough (money, time, health, happiness, abundance etc.) and that puts us in a lack mentality. I’m sure you have heard or said some of these phrases: No matter how much money you make, there is never enough to go around. I can’t do this, I can’t handle this I don’t have enough money to… I should do this... I/You have no choice, I/You have to… You have to work hard to get what you want and even then you may not get it. I don’t have enough time to… I worry… I’m sorry… All of the phrases above come from a lack mindset that focuses on the problem and not the solution. If you are unconsciously saying “I can’t, I shouldn’t, there isn’t enough X so therefore I can’t”, you are lowering your vibration and drowning in a lack mentality. It’s not your fault because you were taught to think and say these things from an early age. You may not even realize what you are saying, but if those thoughts are going around in your head in a constant loop, the image of lack is what you are projecting and reinforcing in your brain. That is the message you are sending out into the World. Your challenge is to stop saying these phrases and begin to talk about abundance. Here are some phrases that will help you on your journey: There is always enough for me. There is more than enough money to go around. It won’t take long to be successful. I have more than enough money, happiness, time, in my life. I am thriving and the sky is the limit. An abundant mindset means that no matter what you are doing or thinking, there is more than enough for you to be happy. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS – It has often been said that “Comparison is the thief of Joy”, and that may be the case if you are constantly comparing what you have to what others have. Have you ever known someone who drives a Lamborghini and thought “I should have a car like that, I deserve it” and your mind begins to try and find ways for you to obtain that car. This type of mental driver can turn swiftly from something positive to negative when you become obsessed with the thing, the car in this case, and you feel as though you aren’t as good as the person who already has that thing. This is also known as “Keeping up with the Jones’s”. Instead of concentrating all your efforts on getting that flashy car, ask yourself these questions: Will obtaining that car truly make me happy? Is this the car that I really want? Will it fit my lifestyle or is it something exotic and beyond my financial means? Do I want this car because it fits my personality or do I want it because Jane Doe has it? HERE IS THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS: If you can live your life based on what YOU desire and what YOU want to contribute, and not be consumed with what others are doing and purchasing, you will be a much happier person. Go your own way and do what makes you happy. Don’t compare yourself to others and know that you are good enough just the way you are with exactly what you have now. How you dress, what you drive and where you live don’t define you and certainly don’t equal the sum of all that you have to offer. What you own in this moment, along with your many talents and gifts is more than enough. Be happy with who you are, just as you are. Striving to be a better person and desiring nice things is great, just let it happen organically instead of thinking this is a race and I must keep up with everyone else. You are enough! Are you someone who is always working on a goal and waiting to be happy until after you have met that goal? Are you in an emotional holding pattern and telling yourself you will be happy in the future after your dreams come true?
If so, this is a good time to review your goals and discuss how to be happy now, even if you don’t accomplish what you set out to do. Goals can be difficult to attain and take a long period of time to achieve. If you are waiting to be happy until you reach your goal, you are putting today’s happiness on hold for a date in the future that may never occur. Many times the goals you want to complete won’t happen. There are many reasons why goals are not realized, and I wanted to give you an example of why putting off today’s happiness is negatively affecting your life. Most of us were taught to design our life using goals. We start out with big SMART goals (if you don’t know what a SMART goal is click here), and work backwards to achieve those goals with smaller bite-size activities to reach the larger goal. Once you complete a goal, you instantly create another benchmark to move towards because that is how you design an incredible life, right? Never settle and don’t stop reaching so that you can stretch beyond your current comfortability and rise to a new level of mastery. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T REACH YOUR GOAL The staggering and painful truth is that over time, there will inevitably be goals that you won’t be able to complete. Below is a common scenario that many people including yours truly have gone through: Your Big Amazing Goal: To lose 20 pounds over the next 2 months. You decide you want to take some weight off your frame and start going to the gym on a regular basis. You want to lose 20 pounds and you figure you will work out every other day and change your diet by cutting out the junk food. You weigh yourself on day one and by day 30 you are feeling really good about your new health regime. You have been eating well and exercising, but when you step on the scale you have only lost 8 pounds. You think to yourself “Ok, it’s not that bad, I still have time.” Over the next month, you increase your workouts and are still making healthy food choices, but when you step on the scale at the 60 day mark, you have only lost another 6 pounds. That’s a total of 14 pounds lost, yet you did not reach your goal of losing 20 pounds in 2 months. You have you worked so hard and are sick and tired so you say “Screw this! I have been working my tail off and I’m not making the kind of progress I should. I quit!” You go into a tailspin, stop working out and begin to eat junk food. Within one month you are right back to the weight you started at when you first began your program. Sound familiar? You didn’t reach your goal and instead of continuing on your journey, you quit and went back to your old habits of eating rich foods and not moving your body. You were disgusted with your weight at the beginning of your journey, you complained throughout the two month process and are more devastated at the end when you didn’t reach your goal. This is a prime example of losing out on the power of being happy in the now. THE EYE-OPENING KEY TO HAPPINESS The surprising truth is that you could have been happy during the entire process of losing the weight. When you lost those first 8 pounds, and all those days over the last two months, you should have been patting yourself on the back and been joyful because you DID make healthy changes. So what if you didn’t reach your goal? Just because you eat one bowl of ice cream, doesn’t mean you should stop exercising all together! The secret to happiness is being happy DURING THE ENTIRE JOURNEY, NOT AT THE END. Life is not a sprint my friend and if you want to attract success and abundance, you must raise your vibration so that the Universe can match it and begin to bring what you desire towards you. The more you put off your own happiness, the lower your vibration and the less chance you will have of getting what you want. SO HOW CAN I BE HAPPY NOW? Being happy is a conscious CHOICE and one you need to make every day if you want to start receiving all the blessings life has in store for you. Many people believe with every task and goal they have that there is a beginning and an end. What if all the good stuff, and I mean the really great stuff that you wouldn’t want to miss, was in the middle? For example, what if you wanted to drive from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon and the only thing you were focused on was getting to your end destination. You would miss out on all the beautiful states in between and lose out on the joys of travel before you got to the Grand Canyon. Does that make sense? Your power lies in you being happy NOW with what you have in your life and all that surrounds you. Below are three ways to start being happy now. Be Grateful Being Grateful is one of the most powerful and uplifting ways you can quickly raise your vibration to one of happiness. Look around you right now, what do you see? Do you have a place to live with a roof over your head that keeps you of the elements? Be grateful. Do you have a body that moves when you ask it too? Be grateful. Do you have a family that loves you? Be grateful. Sometimes being grateful for all the “little’ things, turns out to be the magic that mean the most in our lives. Look for ways in your everyday life where you can be grateful and put the intention into the Universe “I am grateful for all that I have in my life”. You can also be grateful for the gifts you have been given and whatever you are good at including writing, solving complex problems, hand eye coordination and so on. Consciously Make the Choice to be Happy with Your Words and Intentions This is a simple yet powerful exercise that I use every day and it really works. In the morning, say these words “Today is going to be a great day! I don’t know what is going to happen, but I am excited for what will unfold and I know it it’s going to be an awesome day!” Say this a few times and with conviction. Be warned, the first time you will probably hear a voice in your head saying “This is so stupid”. Ignore it and repeat the phrase. By the third or fourth time it will ring true in your mind, and when you say it with conviction and a strong belief, it will become absolutely true and you will have a great day. Remember, I said this is a CONSCIOUS CHOICE - and to learn how to be happy now you will need to create new habits that will result in better options for your life. It may take a little bit of effort in the beginning, but it’s worth it for you to have more happiness flowing into your life. The Power is truly in Your Hands YOU have the power to define your destiny, all you need to do is believe it. Your outer world is a reflection of your inner thoughts and mindset. If you believe you are happy, you will be. If you believe you are successful, you are. It doesn’t matter if you are a Senior Vice President, a Secretary or work as a Professional Trainer. No matter where you are in life and no matter what your vocation is, you can choose to be happy. Throughout the day you will have many opportunities to veer off from your charted course of deciding to be happy. There will be irritations you can either let fall to the wayside or let them become toxic and frustrate you. These decisions are up to you, NO ONE ELSE gets to decide how you react to outside circumstance except you. This means you have total and complete authority over your life and YOU get to decide if you will be happy or sad, content or disgusted, on course or off course. Fortunately, you can always course correct at any given time. My point is, don’t let the small stuff upset you. It’s small stuff for a reason, the decision is yours to make. If you are grateful every day, choose to say out loud that “This will be a great day” and let small stuff slide off your shoulders, you can then hold the intention that your happiness is important. No one can take that from you unless you give your power away, which I don’t suggest. Being happy now, in this present moment will boost your confidence, increase your vibration, and attract more of the good stuff that you want to flow into your life. The choice is yours. How do you want to feel today? Self-acceptance is critical to your growth as a person. As women, we are groomed from the time we are small to take care of others first. We are taught to live out loud and be authentic, but don’t stand out and be too loud. We are encouraged to reach for the stars, but we then learn that women and men are in fact, not anywhere near equal. In our teenage years, we begin to see comparisons between other women both in person and in beauty magazines. We realize there is a certain standard that must be met to be beautiful and attractive to others. Any blemish or look that is not the “standard”, may leave us with a feeling of being inferior or less than when in fact, it is our differences that should be celebrated. They are what make us unique after all. All of this comparison between others, the competition to try to get a respectable well-paying job and still putting ourselves last and others first can take a toll on our bodies, souls and minds. Let me be clear, it is important to take care of our families because that is a wonderful gift to give to those that you love, except it is harmful when you receive less than you should because you constantly put yourself last. This behavior will cause scars, anguish, pain and questions around inequality but more than that, the by-product of all of the above is women not accepting of themselves, their talents and what they have to offer the world. YOUR POWER IS YOURS ALONE How can we take back our power and how did we lose it in the first place? Power is described in the dictionary as “the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events”. In my opinion, the key piece the dictionary version is missing is “as well as your own life”. You have power over your own thoughts, emotions, physicality, and decision making process etc. Power comes from within and you govern and control your power however, many people go through a slow process of giving away their power and don’t realize how much they have lost, until it’s gone. It doesn’t happen overnight, it usually happens over time with small, inconsequential habits or thoughts that leave less of you and more them. The first step in taking back your power is knowing you lost it and that’s not such a bad thing. After all, there really is nowhere to go but up. FOUR STEPS TO TAKE BACK YOUR POWER Below are four steps to take back your authentic power. Step #1 – Establish the areas in your life where you have given your power away or you feel completely powerless. It’s important that you realize there may be certain areas of your life where you have given up your power and you must identify where this has occurred. This exercise may seem painful, but you are now in the process of recovery and you cannot afford to ignore this. It’s a crucial first step and with this self-realization you will see your life differently. Here is how you can begin: Get out a piece of paper and draw four quadrants. Label each quadrant: Social, Personal, Family, and Professional. In each quadrant write down all the specific areas where you feel you have either lost control or you feel completely powerless. For example: In the Work quadrant you might say “I feel like I have no control over where I work, what I do or what working conditions I must endure for a paycheck”. Step #2 – Re-establish your authority over your life by proclaiming your intent to the Universe. This is the time you need to begin to speak your power into existence. You can start by simply saying out loud “I take authority and power over my life.” “I am in complete control of my life and my decisions will now be for the good of me.” Step #3- You need to call your power to you. It may sound odd at first, but give it a go before you discount it. You will want to take power over your past, present and future and to do this you need to say this, out loud “I take full authority and power over my past, my present and my future self. I now ask the highest version of my future self for guidance and I have complete control and power over this (my) life.” Every time I do this, I get goose bumps. Step #4 – Take action in the areas you where you feel powerless. Once you have identified an area where you have given up your power, now you are ready to take action to assert your authority again. These can be small or large steps, but I would begin with small ones until you have the courage to do larger tasks. The remedy for this is simple, you start completing activities that will EMPOWER you. Basically you do the opposite of what you have been doing up until now.
Remember, this is a process and just as you didn’t give your power away in one day, it will take more than one day to reclaim all that is yours. By completing these steps, you have identified where you feel powerless, claimed authority over your life and called your power to you. The last step is the most important one because you are taking back the power that you either lost or gave away to others. Note: Once you begin to take back the reins of your life, you may hear a small voice inside of you saying: “That is selfish! Who do you think you are putting yourself first and others last”? It may also feel very strange to think about you first instead of last, but hang in there. You are NOT selfish, this is your life and if you want to live a powerful, impactful life – YOU need to be in charge. There is no one else that is going to ride this horse for you. It’s all up to you. You can read this blog and continue on as you were – unhappy, feeling stifled, sad and even blaming others for areas in your life that you can’t control. Or – you can take the reins and take back your power. Please be patient and kind with yourself. Give yourself pep talks because they help you and also because you deserve them. You can have the EXACT life you want to live, you just have to take action to reclaim what has truly been yours all along. I’ve been riding for 20+ years, so I can confidently say I’ve been in the game for a while. Yet confident is NOT always how I feel. It’s how I WANT to feel, but not how I feel. It starts off like this: I’m getting ready to go the barn – Excited! This is gonna be a great ride – Pumped. Putting the tack on – Feeling Good. Putting on my helmet – Feeling ok, but something else is creeping in. Taking the reins – “I’m okay”, I think as I stutter in my mind. (Quietly already shouting help but it’s only internal). We mustn’t show others that we are nervous! That is a big NO NO in the horse world. Not sure why, that’s for another post. Lifting my leg over the saddle - GAHHH!!! I’m in a wide open space, what happens if…. Trying to relax my hands so they don’t have the death grip on the reins, or showing my horse I am nervous (which is ridiculous because he already knows which makes it WORSE!!!). Now what? Try to be brave, Julie. Does any of this sound familiar or am I the only one that goes through this? Statistics show that “The largest number of equestrian injuries occur in white females in the 2nd, 4th, and 5th decades of life. Serious injuries are due to falling or being bucked off a horse and most commonly occur at home or at a recreational/sporting facility. Prevention strategies (educational and passive protection equipment) should be especially targeted to this high risk group.” You can see the list here. The fact is that when you have had a serious riding accident, and I’m not talking about a life and death type of accident, but one where you lose time from work and in the saddle, it will stop all your forward momentum. You WILL lose confidence and anyone who says you won’t is lying to you. Ok, maybe 1% continue on as if nothing has happened, but the other 99% of us get…scared. I’m scared. These are words that are very rarely spoken in the horse world, if at all. I’m not sure why. We are all humans and those of us in this equine community are doing something that takes being either very brave, very stupid or even maybe a little of both to even think about doing. You’re getting on a 1,000+ pound animal, who is very big and super strong, and most importantly has a brain with a hair trigger intuitive alert signal to tell him or her when there is danger. Far away. Way before you get the memo. Which leads me to why I get scared. My horse got the memo much earlier than I did. In fact, I didn’t even see the memo until it was too late. We were on the polo field, had just finished a nice ride and he did a 180 degree turn in 1 second (not kidding) and I simply fell off. Hard. Broke 6 ribs type of hard. If you have never broken even one rib, I can tell you that every breath is extremely painful. And the best part is – there is nothing you can do to fix it but wait. Yippee! This is that “Oh Shit” moment when you realize whenever you hit the ground, it’s gonna hurt! When I got better, I decided “That is never gonna happen to me again”, so I went out and bought the most expensive vest that covers your body from your neck to your tailbone. It inflates in .01 seconds, basically as soon as you start to fall. I purchased the Point 2 Air Vest, you can check them out here. The only problem is, my body healed but my mind didn’t. My mind was still back there, on the ground, gasping for breath. When you are of a “certain age” (basically 40+), you don’t bounce like you used to. When I was in my 20’s, if I fell off a horse, I would get right back up. Not so much after 40. In fact, you are lucky if you get up at all. So getting back on the horse, without any support system can be difficult. I spoke to a Certified Equine Counselor who works with Therapeutic Horses and Veterans and told her my story. She told me she could help me work through it, but here’s the interesting part. She said “People will tell you to just get back on the horse and move forward. The problem is that it’s not in your head, it’s in your body. Your body has had trauma, so even if your brain tells you its ok, your body remembers where the trauma originated from, where you were when it happened and it REMEMBERS. That’s what causes you to tense up and your body to go right back into the state of nervousness, basically back to the scene of the accident.” Disclaimer: You may use all three of my steps, but they may not work for you. I am not there with you and I am not a Trainer. All individuals and horses are different and I have no idea what your riding background is or your physical capabilities are. These steps have helped me, however, I cannot guarantee results and you should not expect things to work perfectly for you and your horse. I always advise riders to get a professional Trainer, and in this case perhaps a Therapist as well, if you feel you need more support. Here are 3 brave ways that have helped me ride more confidently: 1 RELEASE THE TRAUMA The therapist I met with said the best thing I could do would be to bring her (or another therapist) to the polo field (where the incident happened) and have her help me work through it. You need someone by your side that will not only give you confidence, but help you move through the old scenario to release it. This is a way for you to retrace your steps, see what happened and allow your body to feel the way it did, then release that feeling so you can move back to the calm, natural state you had before the accident. Basically, you are able to release that junk forever and finally move forward. The key is that you are not doing this alone, but with someone by your side. 2 TAKE ON A PREMIERE RIDER’S CHARACTERISTICS Find a rider who inspires you and pretend to be that rider. I know this may sound hokey, but hear me out. Your thoughts are very powerful, much more powerful than you may even know. If you think you are a terrible rider – you will be. If you think you are a very capable rider – the chances of you being so, rise dramatically. I choose Linnea Aarflot from The Equestrian.net. She is a very accomplished Dressage rider and I love not only how she looks on a horse, but how capable she is. I channeled my inner Linnea and told myself to calm down, I had done this a thousand times before and I’m capable. If you are going to use this step, you should also incorporate visualization. Take your time and really think about how that rider looks on their horse and how they get their horse to perform physically. Take at least 3-5 minutes to yourself and visualize their traits of how well they know their horse. Of course, you can go much further and really look into their training aids and what their daily training consists of. A good starting point is to gain their confidence and make it yours. 3 SEE YOUR HORSE AS YOUR TRUE PARTNER You are not riding your enemy, you are working with your partner. There is a BIG difference in how you feel internally when you say your horse is your PARTNER vs I’m going to ride my horse. It implies that you are in it together, and you are. The bottom line is that the more comfortable and calm you are, the better you will ride because your horse will be calm. Unless you have a horse that was deliberately trying to hurt you, chances are what happened to you was an accident. It was not a malicious action. You and your horse are a team, the best horse and riders ride as a TEAM, meaning they are counting on each other to come through. If one of you doesn’t feel confident, neither of you will. An example of this happens when you are riding and your horse stops what they are doing and looks around at a perceived threat. You don’t know what they are looking at, but you do know that their internal alarm systems are much better and faster than ours are. At this point, most of us stop and look around to try and figure out what is going on with our horse. That is a classic and common example of one part of the team breaking away from the other team mate.
You can feel the separation and you can also tell when you are both synched up. Know that your horse is on your side and that to perform well, you need to build and nurture that relationship. Together. You are a team and if you don’t feel like you’re a team, that is something you need to work diligently on building until you ARE a team. These three steps are just the beginning of a long laundry list of exercises you can do when working on getting more confident in the saddle. Some of them you can do in your own head and some are with your horse. The bottom line is that it takes time to get over an accident. Don’t try to forget it, that won’t work. Don’t blame yourself because accidents do happen, especially with horses. Give yourself as much time as you need and if you can’t figure out how to move forward on your own, get professional help from a Trainer and/or Therapist. Your best ride is just a stride away. |
AuthorMy name is Julie Saillant and I am an Equestrian who uses my intuitive Empathic insight to help others embrace their own gifts so they can find their life purpose. Archives
April 2018
Categories
All
|